So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
