Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
