I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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