Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a search helicopter?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
