he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my poor anus
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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