Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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