my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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