Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
