Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
