He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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