Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Send help, water and tortillas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
