Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
