i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
