if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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