so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
