And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
