i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
