Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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