my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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