News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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