I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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