I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
