Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That accounts for only three of the penises
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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