Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
