so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
