i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
