yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
