Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
