you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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