I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
