New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
