my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
