me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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