If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
