He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
