Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
