VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
