i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
