Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
