If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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