Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
