scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
