Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
