Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
