He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
