I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
