She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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