we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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