the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
