I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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