Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
