last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
