I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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